Fear Factor

Remember that show?  Four couples compete for a million dollars.  They would spend the hour engaged in scary and disgusting challenges.  I understand the fear of hanging from a helicopter flying over a body of water, or letting snakes or scorpions crawl all over my body or even being locked in a box at the bottom of a pool.  But I think it’s just plain yucky to drink bugs and intestines of who-knows-what blended together to make a smoothie like no other.  And it’s not even chilled!  Not fear inducing, but puke inducing.

My fears are that I will embarrass myself or won’t live up to the billing I have set up for myself.  I’d rather not show up if I am not prepared.  I would rather not try, than to chance failure. If I don’t know, before I start, that I am the Queen Bee, then I’m outta there.  If I am not going to end up being awesome, I am not going to play.  I’m a coward.   I fear that when I try my hardest, when I do my very best, it won’t be good enough.

 Fear can be a really palpable thing. Sometimes we can’t sleep or concentrate.  Sometimes we eat more – or we eat less.  Sometimes we cry more than usual.  And sometimes we don’t know what we are afraid of.  It’s something that we can’t put our finger on.  It might be change.  Or it might be that we won’t be able to bear up under the change.  The thing we are afraid of might break us.  It might be bigger than we are.  It might hurt so much we couldn’t handle it.

Yesterday I made it a point to speak with each of my children.  Each let me know they are worried.  They are scared.  I assured them that I understand.  And sometimes I am too.  They are all so different.  One gets angry when she’s frightened, one gets very quiet.  One asks lots of questions.  I know each one loves me, and is not ready to be without me.

I’m not sure they believe me when I tell them I am not afraid.  Not usually afraid, anyway.  I try to relate to them that my life is in the hands of a God who loves me.  He loves me more than I understand.  And I know he has control of what is happening to me.  I believe that he has much more ability to control my life than I do, and while I become afraid when I think that it’s up to me and my power and ability to get through this, I am confident and unafraid when I keep my eyes on Him.   

My prayer, for each of them, is that they come to know, with certainty, the joy and peace that comes from putting their whole lives into the hands of the God who has everything already under control.  And they understand that I have that certainty. 

As long as I don’t try to take control, I can say, like the winners of that show, “Fear is not a factor for me!”

 Ephesians 6:10

May you be a man/woman who is strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

You (my support team) ask me what you can do for me.  Here is one thing.

In order to keep my eyes on God and not on my own abilities and plans, I look to the Word of God.  So—when you are having your devotions or quiet time and you come across a verse that would offer strength and encouragement to me, copy it onto a slip of paper and send it my way.  I am papering my “space” with verses from the Bible that my friends and family offer.  I am putting them on my closet door, my kitchen cabinets, the bathroom mirror, you get the idea.  Thanks.